My Friend Randy Beaman Is Weird

Ok so like one time my friend Randy Beaman and I were walking around town and we saw a dead frog in the street. Randy said he was glad it was dead cause he had heard that frogs had herpes and his sister told him that you get herpes from sex. Randy said that sex is what happens when things called hormones take over your body and make you hairy like the wolfman and he doesnt want to be a wolfman cause his mom would be mad at him for being out past 6pm.





Ok bye

FUCK I HATE BEING TAGGED!!!!!!!

Ok, so my friend Ang tagged me. Normally I hate this shit, and don't respond, but I am a little liquored up and decided, "What the hell". So here we go.

3 Things That Scare Me

Being Alone
Accepting The Fact That I Can't Help People As Much As I Would Like
Being Alone (Yes I know i said it twice, but it really scares me)

3 People Who Make Me Laugh

Billy Connolly
Sam Kinison
Richard Pryor
(There are so many more, but I am only allowed to put 3)

3 Things I Love

Passion
People Who Don't Give A Fuck What Others Think
Scotch

3 Things I Hate

Ignorant Humans
Stupid Humans
Assinine Humans

3 Things On My Desk

The Clown From Spawn
A Hot Wheels Joker (yes HIM from Batman) Hot Rod
A Darth Vader Pez Dispenser

3 Things I Am Doing Right Now

Filling My Zippo (With me, that can sound like a kinky euphanism, but it is what it says it is)
Entering Info On My Blog
Evesdropping On The TV Show "Heroes"

3 Things I Want To Do Before I Die

**(This Information Has Been Edited By The Writer To Avoid Any Lawsuits, or Divorce Proceedings)***

3 Things I Can Do

Drink
Think
Fuck
( I have actually been known to do all 3 at once [God Bless My Wife For Thinking This One Up])

3 Things I Can't Do

Remember To......I Forget
Get It Together
Mentally Stabilize

3 Things I Think You Should Listen To

Your (non-violent) Inner-voice
Your Libido (Provided It Doesn't Risk Destroying Your Most Important Relationship)
Commands From My (and Angel's) Father, The Dark Overlord Himself

3 Things You Shouldn't Listen To

Barry Manilow
John Tesh
Anything by Emo Phillips

3 Things I'd Like To Learn

The Meaning Of Life
The Meaning Of Liff
Why Women Go To The Bathroom In Groups

3 Favorite Foods

Chicken
Caesar Salad
Chocolate

3 Bevarages I Drink Regularly

Beer
Beer
Beer

3 Shows I Watched As A Kid

Night Court
The A-Team
The Fall Guy

And That Ends My List






Women can fake orgasms, men can fake the whole relationships.

Penguins

I think the penguins are coming for me.

I am pretty sure I can hold my own against them, but am still scared that my body will be found in an ice machine somewhere with several suspicious beak marks in my back.

Asshole Employers

Some compmanies are just fucking stupid. I was hired recently at a new company. I was thrown into an enviorenment that I knew only the basics, but didn't know their system of doing things.

I fully admit that I screwed up on a few things, but is 2 weeks really enough time to see if someone knows what they are doing?

Also, it is cold and flu season. I got sick. Even though I was sick as a dog on Monday, I still went in. I figured I would see how long I could last, and ended out the day. But Tuesday morning, I could barely move. I was tempted to call my son's school and babysitter to tell them that I was in no condition to move, so my son would be staying home with me. But I got him out, came home, then called in sick.

They called me later and told me I was fired, and get this, they said that the one of the reasons that I was fired we because I was calling in sick.

Bastards. It is not even like it was a busy time. They even told me that this time of year was slow for them.

Aw, well. I will get something better.






Nobody is perfect. I am nobody.

Weird shit.

Ok, for some reason I couldn't post for a while. This website kept telling me that it couldn't locate my blog account, and therefore wouldn't let me post. Aw well, it's working now.

Smile, the dead have no choice.

General Rambling (entered by Corporal Pain)

So I am standing in line at the bank with my tounge up this chicks ass......sorry bad channeling for a moment.

The past few posts have been a little silly, so I figured, time for a not so wacky one. I love karma sometimes.

So get this, just over 3 weeks ago I was fired from my job (again!!! I am thinking I should tell the government that I deserve welfare because I am unemployable). It sucked and I was lucky enough to find a new job in just 3 weeks. Thats gotta be a record for me.

Anyway, I was still in contact with my now former co-workers and found out that the day I got the new job, everyone from my old job was fired. It was in an outsourcing call centre location, and they were told that they would be re-hired once they had they "work at home" program they had been talking about about 2 months ago.

Would have preferred to be let go that way instead because at least I would have gotten severence pay, but in the end its all good.

I like the new job because I am left pretty much on my own and if all goes well, it will last a long time.


I always finish what I...

You Know What?

I'm tired. Wanna go night night. Can't sleep, clown will eat me. Cant sleep, pneguins know I am aware of their plans and are hunting me. Beware the chicken, she isn't as dumb as she pretends to be.

Who was the first to look under a cow/goat and say "You see that dangly thing underneath? I'm gonna drink whatever comes out of there!"