Monday, January 19, 2009

Just A Thought

CHILI DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Monday, January 12, 2009

7 Different Types of Sex

Ok, we all love sex, but to keep you up to date, here they are:

1:Smurf Sex. This kind of sex happens when you first meet someone and you both have sex until you are blue in the face.

2:Kitchen Sex. This is when you have been with your partner for a short time and you are so horny you will have sex anywhere, even in the kitchen.

3:Bedroom Sex. This is when you have been with your partner for a long time. Your sex has gotten routine and you usually have sex only in your bedroom.

4:Hallway Sex. This is when you have been with your partner for too long. When you pass each other in the hallway you both say "screw you".

5:Courtroom Sex. This is when you cannot stand your wife any more. She takes you to court and screws you in front of everyone.

6:Welfare Sex. You get a little each month. But not enough to live on

7:Religious Sex, which means you get Nun in the>morning, Nun in the afternoon and Nun at night.

I hope this helps.

Friday, January 09, 2009

The Meaning of Life - Revisited

Ok, so the meaning of life is known to be 42. But we still have not established what the question is.

Therefore, I hereby submit my alternative answer until we can establish what the question is.

The meaning of life is: Oh, why the fuck not!

That is my opinion. Sure, life is full of lemon's. So, when you get lemons, so what do you do? Sure, you can squeeze the juice into the eyes of the person who gave you the lemons and laugh your ass of at their pain. Or you can take those lemons, find someone with tequilla and do shots. (BODY SHOTS RULE!!!!!!!!!)

But all of life's greatest and worst moments start with that one simple phrase. "Oh, why the fuck not!"

JUST DO IT PEOPLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Kiss that cutie you have been meaning to tell smells nice!
Fart in the elevator and yell, "FUCK THAT WAS A TASTY BURRITO!!"!
Ask that cop, "You're eyes look glazed, you been eating donuts?"!
Wear your underwear on the outside of your pant and declare yourself a superhero!
Put on the dog suit and play in the dog park with the puppies!
Pull down your pants and slide on the ice!
Walk into the bank and yell, "THIS IS A DEPOSIT!!!"!
Take that trip!
See that lover!
Spank that monkey!
Choke that chicken!
Double click that mouse!
Dress up like Dracula, walk into the hospital and ask where the blood bank is!

Show them you are alive, cause isn't that what the meaning of life REALLY is?

Friday, December 19, 2008

THIS IS IT PEOPLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ok, so for years I have warned you all that the penguins are plotting world domination.

Here in Toronto, Ontario, Canada (Just in case anyone other than Ang or Tami reads this) we have had very mild winters for the past few years. It was at that point there where many of us were fondly remembering winters of our youth where we wore snowsuits and parkas in late November, early December.

Now we have 3 major storms planned over the next 5 days. THIS IS IT PEOPLE!!!!!!

I figured out that they reasons for the mild winters has been because they were perfecting their freeze ray. Capable of making the weather colder and creating massive amounts of snow.

They had problems and glitches in the beginning and had the tempatures were mixed up, and it was producing rain and warmer weather.


Friday, November 28, 2008


Sing along with me kiddies. The topic of this song is "Panties"


Yah, know what? Let's drop the subject.

Monday, November 17, 2008

Basic Rambling

Ok, by now anyone who reads this knows that I have been invisible lately. Sadly, this is not a result of weight loss, just flat out laziness.

:Holds out hand to have it smacked:

But I have just received the most distrubing news.

SCOTLAND HAS KNIGHTED A PENGUIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

My own people are turning against me. :Cries:

This means he can command armies!!!! Send troops!!!!!! Make dogs and cats live together!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Bring on the ice packs and the bandaids. I am going to be the first casualty in the war, I know it.

Thursday, September 18, 2008


What do you do with a drunken soldier?

Who are "they" when they said so?

Why do we believe that there are a million stars in the sky, but have to touch the wall or door when we see a "Wet Paint" sign?

Why do I even bother?