Why is it when someone claims they heard voices in their head, the voices as always saying "Kill" or "Harm people"?
Why don't anyone's voices ever say "Knit a sweater" of "Feed the homeless"?
Who was the first person to say, "You know that dangly part under the cow/goat? I'm gonna drink whatever comes out of their!!"
Why does no one ever complain that they have a pop belly?
If a man speaks in a forest, and there is no wife to hear him, is he still wrong?
Where does my heart beat now?
If a rose were called shit, and shit was called a rose, would it really still smell as sweet?
Why do the voices in my head keep insisting that cheezies must be eaten?
Tuesday, March 27, 2007
Tuesday, March 20, 2007
Questions I Want Answers To!!!!!
What did the flower people say?
Who did let the dogs out?
Who wrote the book of love?
Where are my car keys?
If we get olive oil from olives, where do we get baby oil from?
Why, I, I, I, I don't you use it? (Bad me, for the Duran Duran reference)
If the frankfurter originated in Frankfurter, why does Lake Titicaca have to be misleading like that?
Is anything worn under a Scotsmans kilt? Or is it all in working order?
Why does my therapist insist that I only leave a message and then never return my calls?
Who did let the dogs out?
Who wrote the book of love?
Where are my car keys?
If we get olive oil from olives, where do we get baby oil from?
Why, I, I, I, I don't you use it? (Bad me, for the Duran Duran reference)
If the frankfurter originated in Frankfurter, why does Lake Titicaca have to be misleading like that?
Is anything worn under a Scotsmans kilt? Or is it all in working order?
Why does my therapist insist that I only leave a message and then never return my calls?
Tuesday, March 13, 2007
My Life
Ok, so no joking today.
I am announcing the death of my old personality, or at least parts of it.
My weirdness will remain. My vibrancy will continue. But I am not letting myself get screwed by life anymore.
My wife and I have made some bad financal decisions and as a result we are filing for bankruptcy. It is sad that it has to come to this, but it will provide us with a fresh start.
I am getting my forklift license. This will improve my job prospects as well, and may get me some good money.
1973-2006: The years that taught me fun is good, but made me Karma's bitch
2007: The year I get things straightened out in my life and make some advances, and no walking backwards
2008-????: The years I make reality MY bitch!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I am announcing the death of my old personality, or at least parts of it.
My weirdness will remain. My vibrancy will continue. But I am not letting myself get screwed by life anymore.
My wife and I have made some bad financal decisions and as a result we are filing for bankruptcy. It is sad that it has to come to this, but it will provide us with a fresh start.
I am getting my forklift license. This will improve my job prospects as well, and may get me some good money.
1973-2006: The years that taught me fun is good, but made me Karma's bitch
2007: The year I get things straightened out in my life and make some advances, and no walking backwards
2008-????: The years I make reality MY bitch!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Wednesday, March 07, 2007
Survey That I decided to do out of bordem
I stole this from Ang, who stole it from Dana, who stole it from Turn, who got it from Mimi.....
1. In two words, explain what ended your last relationship.
That is personal.
2. When was the last time you shaved your legs?
Never did, but have thought about it, just to be me. Or as some people would say, just to be weird. They are the same thing.
3. What were you doing this morning at 8am?
Taking my son to school
4. What were you doing 15 minutes ago?
Farting about on the computer. Talking online, probably doing a Sudoko
5. Are you any good at math?
I need to take off my socks and underwear to count to 21
6. Your prom night?
Went stag. Got none.
7. Do you have any famous relatives?
I may be related to Jack the Ripper. Most people how know me tend to say that it explains alot.
8. Have you ever taken out a loan to pay for school?
Nope, but for other reasons.
9. Do you know the words to your MySpace song?
I don't have a MySpace account.
10. Last thing you received in the mail?
A Loan offer I didn't qualify for, from the loan I let go to collections
11. How many different beverages have you drank today?
2 - Milk and water.
12. Who most recently made you smile?
My wife
13. Who did you lose your virginity to?
Merike. I at least had the courtesy to thank her, cause she is also the reason I started drinking.
14. Do you draw your name in the sand when you go to the beach?
Never really go.
15. What's the most painful dental procedure you've had?
Needle in an infected gum
16. What is out your back door?
The balcony (4th floor of an apartment building)
Due to censorship issues, Number 17 has been erased from this survey.
18. Do you like the ocean?
Big wet thing? It's ok I guess. (Mind you, that also describes some of my ex girlfriends.)
19. Have you ever received one of those big tins of 3 different kinds of popcorn for Christmas?
No, but I can dream
20. Have you ever been to a planetarium?
The last time I went, my age was just starting the double digits.
22. Something you are excited about?
STOPPING THOSE DAMNED PENGUINS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
23. What is your favorite flavor of ice cream?
Half Baked by Ben & Jerry
24. Are any of your great-grandparents still alive?
No.
25. Describe your keychain.
Invisable. Don't have one
27. When was the last time you spoke in front of a large group?
If Karaoke counts, a couple of weeks ago.
28. What kind of winter coat do you have?
New England Patriots. Borrowed. Thanks Jay
29. What do you think of the person you copied this from?
I have dirty thoughts about her al the time.
30. Do you sleep with the door to your room open or closed?
closed
1. In two words, explain what ended your last relationship.
That is personal.
2. When was the last time you shaved your legs?
Never did, but have thought about it, just to be me. Or as some people would say, just to be weird. They are the same thing.
3. What were you doing this morning at 8am?
Taking my son to school
4. What were you doing 15 minutes ago?
Farting about on the computer. Talking online, probably doing a Sudoko
5. Are you any good at math?
I need to take off my socks and underwear to count to 21
6. Your prom night?
Went stag. Got none.
7. Do you have any famous relatives?
I may be related to Jack the Ripper. Most people how know me tend to say that it explains alot.
8. Have you ever taken out a loan to pay for school?
Nope, but for other reasons.
9. Do you know the words to your MySpace song?
I don't have a MySpace account.
10. Last thing you received in the mail?
A Loan offer I didn't qualify for, from the loan I let go to collections
11. How many different beverages have you drank today?
2 - Milk and water.
12. Who most recently made you smile?
My wife
13. Who did you lose your virginity to?
Merike. I at least had the courtesy to thank her, cause she is also the reason I started drinking.
14. Do you draw your name in the sand when you go to the beach?
Never really go.
15. What's the most painful dental procedure you've had?
Needle in an infected gum
16. What is out your back door?
The balcony (4th floor of an apartment building)
Due to censorship issues, Number 17 has been erased from this survey.
18. Do you like the ocean?
Big wet thing? It's ok I guess. (Mind you, that also describes some of my ex girlfriends.)
19. Have you ever received one of those big tins of 3 different kinds of popcorn for Christmas?
No, but I can dream
20. Have you ever been to a planetarium?
The last time I went, my age was just starting the double digits.
22. Something you are excited about?
STOPPING THOSE DAMNED PENGUINS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
23. What is your favorite flavor of ice cream?
Half Baked by Ben & Jerry
24. Are any of your great-grandparents still alive?
No.
25. Describe your keychain.
Invisable. Don't have one
27. When was the last time you spoke in front of a large group?
If Karaoke counts, a couple of weeks ago.
28. What kind of winter coat do you have?
New England Patriots. Borrowed. Thanks Jay
29. What do you think of the person you copied this from?
I have dirty thoughts about her al the time.
30. Do you sleep with the door to your room open or closed?
closed
Sunday, March 04, 2007
You Know You Want To Also
Mwaaaa Haaaaa Haaaaaa. C'mon, don't tell me you have never wanted to laugh like that as well?!?!
Tuesday, February 27, 2007
Here Is Something To Think About
My father-in-law sent me an email recently that got me thinking, and led me to a mental rant.
There were 3 things that it covered:
Less than 59 years ago the following things did not exist:
TV
Penicillin
Polio Shots
Frozen Foods
Xerox
Contact Lenses
Frisbees
The Pill
Credit Cards
Laser Beams
Ball-point pens
Pantyhose
Air Conditioners
Dishwashers
Clothes Dryers (Clothes were hung out on clothes lines to dry)
Space Travel
Gay Rights
Computer Dating
Daycare Centres
Group Therapy
FM Radio
And much more
The Difference In What Words Meant:
Grass was mowed
Coke was a soft drink
Pot was used for cooking
Rock music was Grandma singing you a lullaby in her favorite chair
Aids helped out in the Principal's office
A chip was a piece of wood
Hardware was purchased in a Hardware store
The Difference In Social Norms:
People got married, then lived together
If you were under 25, every man older than you was called "SIr"
If you were older than 25, any man (such as a policeman) who had a title, was still called "Sir"
Lives were governed by good judgment and common sense
People didn't have "ism's" or "osis's" If you had a problem, you stood up and took responsibility for your own actions. It wasn't the fault of a "disease"
Kids didn't blow their brains out listening to bands played on the radio (although, if i had nothing but Tommy Dorsey, or Fabian, I would put a bullet in my brain
It was important to you that the products you bought were made in the same country that you lived in
And much more
This resulting rant will be continued in the next blog...................
There were 3 things that it covered:
Less than 59 years ago the following things did not exist:
TV
Penicillin
Polio Shots
Frozen Foods
Xerox
Contact Lenses
Frisbees
The Pill
Credit Cards
Laser Beams
Ball-point pens
Pantyhose
Air Conditioners
Dishwashers
Clothes Dryers (Clothes were hung out on clothes lines to dry)
Space Travel
Gay Rights
Computer Dating
Daycare Centres
Group Therapy
FM Radio
And much more
The Difference In What Words Meant:
Grass was mowed
Coke was a soft drink
Pot was used for cooking
Rock music was Grandma singing you a lullaby in her favorite chair
Aids helped out in the Principal's office
A chip was a piece of wood
Hardware was purchased in a Hardware store
The Difference In Social Norms:
People got married, then lived together
If you were under 25, every man older than you was called "SIr"
If you were older than 25, any man (such as a policeman) who had a title, was still called "Sir"
Lives were governed by good judgment and common sense
People didn't have "ism's" or "osis's" If you had a problem, you stood up and took responsibility for your own actions. It wasn't the fault of a "disease"
Kids didn't blow their brains out listening to bands played on the radio (although, if i had nothing but Tommy Dorsey, or Fabian, I would put a bullet in my brain
It was important to you that the products you bought were made in the same country that you lived in
And much more
This resulting rant will be continued in the next blog...................
Sunday, February 25, 2007
Here It Comes
Ok, so we all know that there is one day a year we all dread or love. Our birthday. Today (I am posting this in the evening, so if anyone is actually reading this blog, I know I put it in one day early) February 26th, is mine.
Do I love it? I guess. But not as much as I used to. I will be spending the day, doing nothing, except for talking online, and paying a bill. Ohhhhhhhhhh, whoopdie do!!!!
To all those who actually remembered. Thanks for saying something. To those who didn't remember, aw well.
Do I love it? I guess. But not as much as I used to. I will be spending the day, doing nothing, except for talking online, and paying a bill. Ohhhhhhhhhh, whoopdie do!!!!
To all those who actually remembered. Thanks for saying something. To those who didn't remember, aw well.
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